


Is that you?

by nanosecond



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Harley Keener, Cute, Fluff, Harley Keener is Spiderman, M/M, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Twitter, Twitter AU, i might add more if i continue with this, might b short idk, omg that is so new to this part of the fandom omg omg, they meet online, uhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:43:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20293180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanosecond/pseuds/nanosecond
Summary: @ArachNo-phobia: OMG YALL I JUST GOT SAVED BY SPIDERMAN I-@LegoDeathStar: WHAT EXCUSE ME????@idcfuckoff: peter,,,, wh-@Spiderfan003: OMG THAT IS SO COOL R U MAKING A THREAD ABT IT??@ArachNo-phobia: I MIGHT IF IT GETS SOME ATTENTION BUT I DOUBT THAT’LL HAPPEN-Likes: 10.2K   Retweets: 9,674In which Harley Keener is Spiderman and Peter Parker is a messIN OTHER WORDS: ITS ANOTHER GODDAMN TWITTER AU





	1. first meeting

It was a normal patrol, everything was peaceful save for the few fights here and there- Sometimes even a few muggings and helping old people cross the street. You know, the usual everyday Spiderman routine. Harley was just about to go back home for the night when he spotted another mugging. 

A kid was being pushed up against a wall, with one dude holding him down, and the other searching him for money. The dude pushing him towards the wall seemed to be making the kid uncomfortable, his face trying to get closer to the kid’s. The other guy was just feeling up and down his body, half searching him, half sexually harassing him.

As Harley landed towards the muggers, Dude number One tried to kiss the kid’s face, but the kid turned his face so that his lips touched the kid’s cheek. Harley could see the kid’s wide brown eyes pleading for help, his face scrunched in a way that showed how unbearable the situation was.

Harley could feel the anger building up inside him. A small bud of something growing that made him feel disgust towards the attackers, and pity for the victim.  
“Hey guys! What are you doing to that kid? He looks very, and I mean, very, uncomfy!” Harley said in a mocking tone.

The attackers turned towards him, their eyes wide with shock. The kid also noticed him, his eyes widening, the relief relaxing his face. The guys immediately started to scramble off the kid, and ran as fast as their stubby legs and gangly arms could take them.

Harley started to laugh in amusement and sprinted after them, his mutated legs giving him the upper hand.  
“Where’re you guys goin? I was just talking you know. I was about to tell you guys about what the word ‘consent’ means”  
He activated his web repulsors and started to shoot small balls of webs at them. Their legs stuck to the ground, and he instantly jumped, flipping over them and spun more webs around them. By the time he was finished, they looked like flies caught in a spider’s web.

“And that kids, is why you don’t sexually harass people!” exclaimed Harley, his arms on his hips in a triumphant position. One of the dudes started to talk, but Harley shut him up quickly with one of his repulsors.

“I’ll just leave you guys here, maybe the cops’ll find you and put you in jail for your decisions. Doesn’t that sound nice?” The muggers frantically nodded their heads ‘no’, but Harley couldn’t care less. He turned around to check on the kid, only to find the kid with his hands over his mouth, shaking like a leaf. That instantly set off a few warning flags for the kid in Harley’s brain.  
‘He could’ve been traumatized, he must be so scared’ He thought.

“Um, hey are you alri-”

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE SPIDERMAN!”

Harley jumped in surprise at the loudness of Kid’s voice, and relaxed afterwards. Kid was just a fanboy, he wasn’t in any danger, phew. Speaking of Kid, the enthusiasm he was showing was just adorable, bouncing up and down like he found the cure to world hunger.

“Haha! Yeah I am Spiderman! Are you alright by the way? Those guys didn’t take anything from you or anyone else did they?” 

“U-UM, n-no! Those guys didn’t really take anything from me or like, anyone else around me, nope- J-just- they didn’t- anyway, thank you so much Spiderman for um, y’know saving me, and stuff, and um- also everything else you do for the city!! Just- like- thank- thank you!” Kid said, his face growing red with embarassment. Harley was smiling like a maniac under his mask at how kind and cute Kid was. 

“It’s no problem! Just remember to stay out of trouble alright!” Harley said as he turned to swing away. It was always nice to know that his actions were appreciated in the city, he was truly grateful for everyone who supports him in some sort of way.

“Oh, um, yeah, that’s right you’re Spiderman, you’re probably busy- anyways thank you again!!’ said Kid as he started to walk away from the scene of the crime.

Harley turned around as he was swinging to check if Kid was going to be alright, then kept swinging towards his home.

He still had Pre-calc homework to do.

//////

@ArachNo-phobia: OMG YALL I JUST GOT SAVED BY SPIDERMAN I-

@LegoDeathStar: WHAT EXCUSE ME????

@idcfuckoff: peter,,,, wh-

@Spiderfan003: OMG THAT IS SO COOL R U MAKING A THREAD ABT IT??

@ArachNo-phobia: I MIGHT IF IT GETS SOME ATTENTION BUT I DOUBT THAT’LL HAPPEN-

Likes: 10.2K Retweets: 9,674

@idcfckoff: @ArachNo-phobia please explain what the fuck is going on

@ArachNo-Phobia: AGHSSKJDF ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I’LL MAKE A THREAD ABOUT IT

@LegoDeathStar: LMAO YES PLEASE HIT US WITH THAT PARKER LUCK

@IronMechanic: lol this looks interesting

Likes: 4.5K Retweets: 3,548

@ArachNo-phobia: ALRIGHT HERE’S THAT THREAD ON HOW SPIDERMAN SAVED ME  
Show this thread

@idcfuckoff: holy shit,,, peter r u ok??

@LegoDeathStar: BRO AS COOL AS BEING SAVED BY SPIDERMAN IS, LIKE, THAT SITUATION SOUNDS WAY MORE FUCKED UP

@IronmanisDaBest: Those muggers should be sent to jail, that isn’t right at all.

@IronMechanic: If they aren’t in jail, I will find them and fuck them up

@ArachNo-phobia: damn yall didn’t have to go that far-

@IronMechanic: Bro, they deserve it, no one has to go thru that

@ArachNo-phobia: shit u right 😳😳😳

Likes: 30.8K Retweets: 28,759

DM  
@IronMechanic: But like, fr, I will beat them up for u

@ArachNo-phobia: AJGDLJDW u don’t have to!! It’s ok, if it ever happens again, i’ll just pepper spray em

@IronMechanic: Alright, but like, if u don’t have pepper spay, I will be ur pepper spray

@ArachNo-phobia: bro,, omg,,, that’s so nice i-  
[picture of Captain America crying hearts]

@IronMechanic: [Uno Reverse card]

@ArachNo-phobia: AKSJFBUEUFB LMAO

@ArachNo-phobia: ok, so like now that we’re friends, what’s ur name? I’m peter!

@IronMechanic: I’m not gonna be a dumbass and give out my name so you can call me, um, P-gun

@ArachNo-phobia: SKFJDF OMG okay, so first of all, hEY ! i may have dummy energy but that does not mean i am the full dumbassery type, and second of all,, wH- whAt’s P-gUn stand ffor??

@ArachNo-phobia: i am so sorry i am tryignf not to laUGh at p-gun-

@IronMechanic: lmao, it’s fine. I chose P-gun because I shot Tony Stark with a potato gun I made after he broke into my garage

@ArachNo-phobia: WEIJBVSSDK W H A T OMG SKJDFH I CANTT EVEN WH A-

@ArachNo-phobia: you needt o exPLAIN WH THIS IS SO FUCKIUNG FUNNY OMG

@IronMechanic: There’s a thread on my twitter where I tell everyone about it

@ArachNo-phobia: BRB GONNA EDUCATE MYSELF REAL QUICK-

//////

Harley was currently lounging on his dad’s really big couch, and was checking twitter, having a conversation with one of the cutest guys he has ever met. 

Peter. 

Damn that name sounds nice. 

Anyways, he was pretty sure that this dude was the Kid he saved earlier. He bet they would be really great friends, maybe something more one day if they ever meet. But for now, being friends was enough.

He was just about to get up and make a sandwich when his dad appeared from the elevator in grease stains and messy hair. His little sister, Abbie was holding his hand, also covered in grease stains.

“Hey kiddo, making yourself some dinner? Cuz we got takeout” said Tony Stark, the man, the myth, the legend, the person who leaves their grease stained hand-towels on the floor and gives zero fucks about it. Abbie giggled and held up the plastic bag in her other hand.

“Please tell me you didn’t go out like that”

“Ugh, no, we didn’t go out like this, we just kept the takeout in the workshop after we got it”

Harley looked at the plastic bags and saw tiny little grease stains on it. Yep, sandwich it is… Maybe after a little chow mein though…

Harley went to grab the bag and put it on the table, but Abbie insisted that she could do it, and climbed up a chair to set it carefully on the table they had next to their kitchen. Instantly, the family went to work, Harley getting the plates, Abbie getting the spoons and forks, and Tony getting rid of the plastic bag and heating up the boxes of chinese food.

The room smelled like a chinese restaurant by the time they were finished, and they all basked in the smell of glory, before digging in like monsters. It was only when they stopped shoving food down their mouths that they started to speak.

“So how was school today?” Asked Tony, mouth full of dumplings.

Harley shrugged and said the usual. He also explained how nothing much happened today, other than running into Peter and saving him from muggers and helping that one old lady cross the street. Just, normal family conversations. Abbie went on to say how she got an A+ on her spelling quiz, and that the teacher let her draw on her ipad after she was finished

Tony, on the other hand, was down in the workshop all day, as always, and said how Pepper was out doing CEO things. It felt like a normal family, and Harley was happy to be here.

But.. Sometimes he just missed his mom. It sucked that she had to pass away years ago, but life goes on, and drunk drivers still suck a lot. It’s been a long time since that day, but it still hurts to think about it sometimes. He shook the thoughts from his head, and excused himself.

He went to his room and started to think about the future, and what would happen. He wondered what life would be like in like 5 years. If he would still be happy, still be alive. His eyes automatically closed, his brain settling in, and he began to drift off into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Dumpster Diver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter mentally and physically implodes after seeing the famous nickelodeon disney rock childhood superstar thomas edwardian starstrike  
(he actually just meets tony stark)

DM  
**nerd squad haha poopy buttfaces haha**

** **** **

@ArachNo-phobia: OMG YALL

@ArachNo-phobia: YALL OMG I CANTTTTTY

@ArachNo-phobia: BRO LIKE I LEGIT CANNOT RIGHT NOWWJWFDK

@ArachNo-phobia: GUYS I CANT IM GONNA FUCJING DIEEEKJDSBG

@idcfuckoff: peter spit it out or im coming to your house and taking your screwdrivers and dumping them in the garbage

@ArachNo-phobia: ill still find them u know im a dumpster diver ;)

@idcfuckoff: ill melt them with my welder.

@LegoDeathStar: OOOO SHIT MJ REALLY BE PULLIN HER WELDER OUT-

@LegoDeathStar: peter hasn’t responded immediately like he always does

@LegoDeathStar: i think hes hiding his screwdrivers

@ArachNo-phobia: NO IM NOT STOP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS I DIDNT DO HAHAHAH YOURE SO FUNNY NED HAHAHAH

@idcfuckoff: peter i stg if u dont fucking say what happened i am literally going to go to your house and weld your screwdrivers together.

@ArachNo-phobia: but that wouldnt be any fuunn D:

@idcfuckoff: dont test me

@ArachNo-phobia: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OOoookay hahhah let’s all calm down now hahaha

@ArachNo-phobia: anyways, so earlier today i ran into someone yall might know

//////

Peter was just minding his own business, looking for an expansion pack for this N64 he was reconstructing. He had just seen one as he was walking home in this nearby dump, and went back to go get it. Once he reached the dumpster of fate, he bent over the rim of the big green box and went to work. Peter saw the part, it was just at the very bottom. 

Generally, he wouldn’t mind bending over into a dumpster full of disgusting shit, but something about this dumpster… Something was different. It’s like something was holding him back.. Sorta? It was weird but he pushed through that weird invisible barrier thing and made it further into the dump.

The Expansion pack for the N64 was right at the bottom, all he had to do was get it. Cool, a goal for him to focus on. His arm only seemed to graze the tip of the pack, his muscles straining from the stretch. He tried again, wary of what was in the dumpster, and leaned further into the trash covered heap. It was then that the force of gravity pushed him in, and also when he noticed someone from behind. Someone laughing.. From behind him...

Peter sat up at the speed of light, not forgetting to take the expansion pack with him. His face blushed a bright red, contorting into the perfect picture of embarrassment. The stranger laughed, his sunglasses glaring light into Peter’s eyes, blinding him from view of the man’s face. His hat seemed like it could fall off because of all the movement the stranger's body was doing.

Peter watched as the stranger clutched at his stomach. A feeling of humiliation settled deep within Peter’s own gut, making him feel nervous and antsy. As the stranger kept laughing, Peter started to climb out of the dumpster, only to almost step on something round and furry.

He fell back into the dumpster and turned to look at the object his instincts told him not to step on. It was a shiny black cat with green eyes, staring curiously at Peter’s face. Peter was about to pet the cat but remembered where he was and, instead, picked the cat up and set him on his messenger bag. He put his expansion pack inside his messenger back so he wouldn't misplace it. He got back up and out of the dumpster where he confronted the man from before.

Said man was currently trying to regain his composure, and was laughing his last laughs before straightening his jacket. Peter looked furiously embarrassed at the man’s attitude and huffed at his behavior.

“Hey man, like that’s- um, like please, please don’t- uh alright i’m just gonna-”

“Damn kid that was quite the fall, you really didn’t pay attention and just- psh, j-just fell in” The man said, clearly trying to hold in laughter. Peter was getting really annoyed at this dude, but there was something about him that seemed familiar.

“Hey man, like I really gotta go now, so if you could please forget this ever happened, like seriously please forget about this-”

“Holy shit! It’s Lo- my cat!” The man looked at the cat, and the cat looked back, a bit angrily if one might admit. It’s claws were out and it’s fangs were out, hissing at the man. The man’s smile lessened, just a little bit, and he reached out to get the cat from Peter.

Just as the stranger’s hands touched the cat, the cat scratched at his hands and jumped back to climbed up Peter’s leg and rest inside his messenger bag, right next to his newly found expansion pack. Well, not ‘newly’, but- yeah you get it. The man flinched back and cursed under his breath. 

Peter looked from the cat, and to the man. He finally noticed a bright green collar resting against the cat’s black fur, a big indicator that this probably was the man’s cat. But, the cat didn’t seem to want to be with this man.. Could he be mistreating it somehow? Could he be experimenting on it?? Could he- wait maybe he was looking a little too close at things. This dude probably did something to upset it and probably wants his cat back.

“Hey uh, if this is your cat then you can have him back, just promise- wait nevermind who would you even- fuck- um- h-here, just take your cat back and i’ll just leave” Peter started to stammer and reach for the cat, but the same thing that happened to the man, happened to Peter. Except, he just kinda, wouldn’t budge from his spot on Peter’s messenger bag.

The man took off his hat and ran his hands through his hair, probably a stress thing. Peter then looked a little too closely, and saw someone he thought he would never see in his lifetime. As he put his hat back on, Peter could only gape in shock. He probably looked like a fish right now, shit did he really look like a fish right now? shIT HE FUCKING FELL IN A DUMPSTER IN FRONT OF HIM-

“O-oh my God, you’re, y-you’re”

“Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Nice to meet you, and I really need that cat back” said The Tony Stark, TONY STARK OF ALL PEOPLE! HE HAD TO FALL IN A DUMPSTER IN FRONT OF TONY FUCKING STARK. WOW. Today was really not a good day for him..

“O-OF COURSE MR STARK SIR MAN SIR, u-um here’s your cat, please excuse me, please just forget- just forget all about me after this Mr. Stark sir, although I really am a fan of your work, and all the stuff you do that’s helping us live past the year 2025 cause we were dumb and destroyed the environement and stuff, and oh!  
Your work on the predictions of economic growth and evolution throughout the next few years was amazing, I read everything like five times, and um, oh, you probably want your cat back, sorry I just wanted to thank you for everything you do and stuff and um, i’ll just give you back your cat now haha sorry”

Peter tried to reach down for the black cat, but he seemed to be growing more and more confident with moving around this boy’s body, so whenever Peter tried to reach him, the cat would find a way to turn around and slip right out of the younger man’s grasp. 

Peter nervously looked up to Tony Stark, only to see that he was smiling, like a lot. Peter gulped nervously, and let out a few nervous laughs before trying to get the cat again. This happened for like five more minutes before Peter gave up.

“L-look Mr. Stark sir, i’m sorry, but I can’t seem to get your cat off me. He just.. Seems to slip out whenever I think I have him and.. Yeah, i’m sorry” Peter looked down at his feet, the disappointment weighing down on him. It was lifted when Tony put a hand on his shoulder, and reassured him.

“Listen, I understand how bad Lo- the cat is behaving, hey, i’ll make it up to you! Since this cat clearly doesn’t want to leave your body, why don’t you come to Stark Tower? From there we can try and get him off with the stuff he’s already familiar with” 

It felt like there was cotton in his ears because, what?? A trip to Tony Stark’s Stark Tower, the place where engineer’s dreams come true, all because he couldn’t get his cat off his fucking body??? Really?? Was he dreaming or something? This was probably a dream- yep, it was totally a dream. 

“R-really?? A-are you serious? Ohmygod, YES, i-i mean yes!! Oh my God im gonna go to Stark Tower holy shit oh god-” While Peter was stammering to himself, Tony was in his own head. This kid really reminded him of Harley when he was younger, just a bit less fanboy-ey. 

Maybe they could’ve been friends..

Wait no scratch that.

They’d destroy the world and it’s pre-existing rules if they even came in contact with one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm i still dont know what im going to do with this so uhhh stick around ig-
> 
> WAIT WAIT i am actually planning the whole cat thing to be explained n shit so yeah

**Author's Note:**

> yall uhhhh i havent posted like anything on here so uhhh here, i might continue this so gimme feedback if yall like it or not!


End file.
